EPISODE 129 INTERVIEW WITH DR. ALEX SWENSON-RIDLEY: BREAKING THROUGH THE BREAKDOWN

CYB

EPISODE 129 INTERVIEW WITH DR. ALEX SWENSON-RIDLEY: BREAKING THROUGH THE BREAKDOWN

Breaking through the breakdown

When you’ve built a successful business, but it no longer suits the life you want to live, it can be very difficult to just “throw in the towel.”  Often we feel like we have obligations to our employees, as well as a vision of ourselves in that role that’s hard to let go of.  Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley is my amazing guest today, and I’m so happy she’s here to share how she recognized things weren’t working, what those signs were, and how she has created a new business that helps other women get unstuck in their lives.

Resources

Transcript

Erin Marcus:

Hi! I’m Erin Marcus, former corporate executive turned entrepreneur and Founder and CEO of Conquer Your Business. Welcome to the Ready Yet?! Podcast. We’re excited to bring you more than a hundred episodes of interviews and insights designed to help entrepreneurs get the financial and emotional freedom they need in order to build a business and a life they’re proud of.

And we’re live. Yay! I’m always worried about that delay. Like, is it live? Is it not live? Are we doing the thing? Are we not doing the thing? But we are doing the thing. So, welcome, welcome, welcome to this episode of Ready Yet?! I’m very excited to have Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley. Is that right? 

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Yes. 

 

Erin Marcus:

Awesome. The Selfless Syndrome Mentor. So, we had a great conversation the other day, and I can’t wait to bring your story to my audience. The mixture of your subject matter expertise, but also your personal journey. Because so many of us have been there, right? So many of us have allowed ourselves to get to the point of breakdown in what we were doing. And too many people don’t realize they actually get to change something after that. Like, you don’t have to stay there. You don’t have to stay there. Before we get into all that, why don’t you give a more formal introduction to who you are and what you do?

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I’m really excited to be here. I’ve got a nine-year-old and a dog also talking to me this morning, so, we’re just going to roll with it. So, I’m Dr. Alex. I’m a wife and a mom and do a lot of boy things because I have all boys in my house. But I have become what I term Selfless Syndrome Mentor. So, I work with women primarily who are struggling with always putting everyone and everything else first and focusing on everything except themselves and finally hit that point of which is what I went through of realizing this isn’t working, but not being exactly sure what the next steps are and what that looks like.

 

Erin Marcus:

Yeah. And I think that’s a really good point because we can be stuck in that mode of doing everything for others, but one of the reasons we stay there for way, way, way too long is because we don’t know what to do about it. We know we’re unhappy, we know we’re miserable, we know we’re stressed out, we know we’re all the things, but we don’t know exactly how to fix it and what to do about it. And so, we stay there. 

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

And I should say like a lot of my journey, it took me like eight years to figure out what I now teach women to do in six months. 

 

Erin Marcus:

Well, right. The journey’s not instantaneous. We’d love to tell you, this is all puppies and rainbows and unicorns. There’s a new level awareness, poof, you’re done. Yay.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

No, there’s work that has to go into getting into the other side and there’s ways to do it in a more streamlined fashion, but it’s still like–

 

Erin Marcus:

Wait, let me lessen your learning curve here. Right? So, why don’t you tell us a little bit about your origin story as the Marvel comics would have us talk about it?

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Oh, I love it.

Erin Marcus:

How great was it? And then where did it all go wrong? Right? 

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Yeah. So, a lot of my personal story and my business are very tied together. So, I am originally a chiropractor. I started my practice when my son who is blowing his nose and doing all kinds of lot of things around me right now, was six weeks old. And that thing just grew. It doubled or tripled every year for about five years. And it was almost at the rate where like, I couldn’t believe it and I couldn’t really keep up with it, but it was somehow this like thing got created in my sphere, right? Yeah. I was like, okay, we’re just going like, we’re doing this thing.

 

Erin Marcus:

Let’s stop for one second there because I think there’s one of the things I know having been there personally and then having this feedback also is there’s nothing more frustrating when you’re fighting so hard to grow your business than listen to the entrepreneur say, ‘Oh my God, this is not going. And I hated it.’ A good problem to  have.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Yeah. My second business has not been like that, so, you know, I recognize. So, anyways, that was my experience like should be everything’s great, why would anything want to change? I reached a point in 2018, I bought a success and square foot building. I had a team of 12. We were billing well into the seven figures and collecting just short of that in terms of our annual revenue. And I had this moment where I walked upstairs into my brand-new office, it was all remodeled and beautiful and should have been totally excited and I actually just like collapsed on the floor and cried for an hour. And what had happened is at that stage, I’d been through a divorce. My ex-husband was an alcoholic, just really great guy, but when he is drinking, it was bad. It was rough. I’d grown a lot through that, but I kind of got to this point in my personal growth where I just looked around and was like, this is not my dream. I hated managing people. The stress was just through the roof. And just over this past weekend, I’ve been out of that world for a couple years now, but had kind of realization and breakthrough in just how traumatic it was emotionally, not just physically. My wrist was torn to shreds from being a chiropractor. My health was falling apart, my hair was falling out. I lost my voice every day. Like, there was so much that was just not–

 

Erin Marcus:

Are there anymore signs that this was not where they were supposed to be?

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Yeah, not at all. But like, the recognition, it was like, well, crap, what do I do? Like I just bought this building and I have this team, I have people who depend on me for their jobs and we had a very family-oriented culture. So, it’s like I knew their kids and I knew their family like we had an in-house office nanny who took care of them. 

 

Erin Marcus:

So, what did you have to do to step away from that? Because I think there’s so much truth to that and it’s no accident that what you teach people how to do and mentor them on is that same story. Because it’s one thing to say, I think the visual we get when we talk about women putting other people first is you buy the Christmas presents for everyone else and you don’t for you. You give the food to the kids and like you eat the leftovers. But what you’re talking about is what I think is the much more truthful version of it. And yet, it’s not the visual. I’m running an entire business. I’m keeping a job because I love the people I’m with and I’m feeling so obligated to them that am ending up on the office floor for an hour. I think that’s the real version of it. 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Oh, definitely. 

 

Erin Marcus:

We tease about, oh, you put everybody first. You don’t go to the spa, you don’t go to the thing. It’s so much deeper than that.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

It is. This is the raw real, like not pretty and shinnied up conversation of like, ‘Oh, I have a seven-figure business and everything’s great.’ Like that was not my experience. As, as the universe, God, whatever you want to call it tends to do, the opportunity was created for me to make a change. I haven’t looked at this as a blessing before, but we were very much in the world of billing insurance because billing insurance still paid for chiropractic at the time up here. Alaska’s like, I’m in Alaska, so probably like 10 years behind the curve of–

 

Erin Marcus:

Well, I’m in Illinois where you think a hole will never come out of.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Yeah, it’s all good. So, anyways, we hit this point where Blue Cross Blue Shield, which was like three quarters of our income, because most people have that up here, just stopped paying us. They broke their claims processing system. So, our revenue just tanked even though we weren’t any less busy. And literally, the business couldn’t support what it had been. So, it kind of forced me. I mean, it was all out of reactionary mode, but it forced me to completely change the business model. And then that gave me, you know, opened the doors for–

 

Erin Marcus:

Well, what else do you want the universe to do? You lost your voice, you got sick, you hurt your wrist and you still weren’t listening. Right?

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

I still wasn’t listening. So, it’ll make things happen. And I mean, that sucked like the stress from that alone. I kept going with my health stuff. I put on 50 pounds. I did get remarried in there and got married to a wonderful man, but like, it was a dark time. You have Erin year of failure. I had like Alex’s five years of failure. 

 

Erin Marcus:

Let’s just say 2018 was the concentrated year of failure. It doesn’t mean it was the only failure, but one of the things you said that I think is really important, you got married in there to a wonderful man. And the truth is, it’s seldom all horrible or all great. And it’s kind of like that moment of good and okay. And happy keeps us in the sucking part longer because we’ll focus on it. 

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Yeah. Well, my experience of it, I went through a divorce like in 2016-ish. That marriage had been on the rocks for a long time, but it like officially ended in 2016. And it’s hard, it’s painful. Even if it hasn’t been great, there’s a lot that goes into that. And then with the business, I felt like I did that all over again. So, it’s like I figured out my personal life and then it was like, ‘Oh, and here’s all this stuff you’ve been ignoring that now we’re going to make you deal with.’ 

 

Erin Marcus:

So, how did you figure it out? Like, it’s so hard in retrospect, and I know how hard it is to articulate these things, but how did you get, like, if you could say three steps, three tips, whatever circular way you want to give it, if someone’s feeling that way and they’re starting to be willing to pay attention to the signs, let’s make it so that they don’t have to collapse on the floor. Like let’s stop the part of that. How do you go from where you are and miserable, how did you figure out what you wanted instead?

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

It wasn’t easy. Like I knew some things. My wrists had been an issue for a long time and I knew that I was going to have to change something either about my technique or like what I did. Before the business, I essentially set fire to it. But before that happened, that’s just one option. That’s always an option, but figuratively. I’d been putting pieces in place and started doing some of the work that I do now already. I was just still, I was really hanging onto and attached to my chiropractor identity even up until, I didn’t officially completely retire until it was last year. Like, I’ve been officially retired for a year and a half. If I could change anything about it, it would’ve been just taking that plunge and listening to that call sooner because I do not miss anything about it. And I’m not saying there’s anything bad about chiropractic. I get adjust all the time. I love it. It was just like, not my calling and not for me. Then in what I’ve been doing now, I’ve noticed like, I coach a dysfunctional medicine and it’s like I always have this kind of backhanded way of actually doing what I do, but like calling it something else first, which is, you know, I’m really in the transformational space. And I finally just like, just say what I do.

 

Erin Marcus:

You own it. Just own it. 

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

It doesn’t have to. I don’t have to be something else. Like, this is just it. 

 

Erin Marcus:

One of my good friends and a coach who I adore is Tammy Helfrich and she calls it Unapologetic. And that’s her book. Stop apologizing, stop making excuses. Own it. Right? 

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Yeah. So, you know, I don’t know. It’s hard when you’re in that place and in that moment to have clarity. And a lot of what I’ve learned is like, if I’d done this particular thing earlier, I think I would’ve and been willing to listen. I work with kind of highly high performing, very driven women and we tend to live in our heads, so we want to figure everything out. And that is where stress comes in. My heart was telling me even as earlier as I bought that building, like, ‘Hey, don’t do this.’ And I didn’t listen. And so, it’s a big thing that I teach now and work on is just like, get out of your head and get into your body and learning how to trust it. One of the conversations, I had with a client this week was like, ‘Well, I don’t trust that because it got me. Last time I listened to my heart, like this is where I got. And I’m like, ‘Yeah, there’s some disconnect there.’

 

Erin Marcus:

Love what you’re learning here and interested in more? Check out conqueryourbusiness.com to get immediate access to all sorts of additional resources and stay updated on our upcoming training events. 

People ask me all the time, I have the same thing, so I focus very heavily on business strategy, marketing strategy, messaging, and all the how-to, and that’s great and tactical and I love it. But I do have these same conversations like how do I get out of my own way? And one of the things we talk about is learning how your instincts feel physically. And the difference between fear don’t do that bad idea, which I call dread and fear because I’m taking big leaps forward and oh my gosh, here we go. And people ask me all the time, how do I tell the difference? How do I tell the difference? And what you’re describing to me is you can’t until you do it.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

I have to learn. Like the hardest thing a coach ever asked me, and it was actually this year, like this is all kind of, I’ve been doing it, but like lacked in a way to explain it. But I had a coach say like, where do you feel that in your body? And I was just like, what? And then I’m freaking out because I don’t know the right answer.

 

Erin Marcus:

Yes. My biggest shock as an entrepreneur is having learned all that because even with chiropractic, yeah, it was your own business, but it’s a very step one, step two step three type of situation. The plan is laid out.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

It is. And yeah, it has to be done a certain way. And so, I felt very trapped in that. That was my big realization over the weekend like if we look at trauma, one of the definitions I really love is it’s anytime you just feel like you can’t be fully self-expressed and like you’re being stifled somehow. My entire system was like that. I was a single mom working until eight o’clock at night and just doing trade shows on the weekend and there was so much in it. It’s just like, oh, time is money. You have to see more people and yada, yada yada. Like it’s awful. 

 

Erin Marcus:

So, one of the things that I love about you and the way that you tell a story is the energy that you’re telling it with. And there’s no emotional. It’s not triggering you anymore. You might have your moments, but talk for everybody a little bit about how, and I’m just going to assume it was there, how did you get over the guilt and shame and blame of making your transition?

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

It took some time and I didn’t get into this part. So, like the changes all happened and then the pandemic came. And I had two wrist surgeries in that time as well because my wrist was so jacked. Yeah, like all the things. So, of course, I’m not practicing. So, I ended up in an issue with the bank that helped me buy the building of like, they just wanted $24,000. And I’m like–

 

Erin Marcus:

Great. You and everybody else.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Yeah. Like, thanks. So, I fought that for quite a while. Tried to come up with every possible thing I could. And finally, I was just like, I’m done. And so, I actually filed for bankruptcy on that business, which I had a lot of story, a lot of shame, a lot of guilt. It brought up all the things. And so, I’ve still been working through that this year, honestly. A couple of the things I’ve done, and I had a coach challenge me to write down 250 good things that came out of filing bankruptcy and getting into that business. I got to like 150. 

 

Erin Marcus:

That’s like 145 more than most people would get to.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Yeah. I was good. It was like I own my time. Like everyone who worked for me actually owns their own business now and they’re all doing really great. And it like gave them permission to really step into who they really were. And I like to think that, like I realized that the experience of being part of my original business helps set the stage for that. So, there was a lot of good. So, that helped. And then the other thing I had to do, and this was recent because it keeps coming up. It’s like, I think I’m good. And then it’s like, well there’s some of that still, was I actually wrote letters and just really like the what came out was just remembering all the really great times that we had. I at one point took my whole staff to Hawaii for a week. We did cool stuff. The culture is what I really missed of that business. And I also learned, because I have a new business that’s about a year and a half old now. And I had a lot of that space in my stuff, in the space of the new business. So, it’s like I trusted it. I haven’t been willing to have a positive relationship with it. And so, I’ve been working through that now.

 

Erin Marcus:

Now, and I absolutely love that because the way that I describe that situation, two ways, you can’t create comfortably on a foundation of trauma. Like if you don’t resolve the whatever, and we don’t have to get into the big woo woo version of trauma. Maybe you got people get fired and then they start a business, but they’re so angry. We’re not saying that’s wrong, but it’s very hard to create the great new thing when you haven’t resolved whatever you’re feeling before. And one of the things that I’ve learned through this business, and especially when I was in my franchise because I was a trainer for the franchise, people who are running away from something will have a very hard time succeeding as opposed to someone who is running towards something.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Absolutely. We’re kind of at the point where we can say like, the comparison, my first business to this business, like first business double tripled. I think we quadrupled one year. My new business like it’s not doing as well this year as it did last year. And the differences completely in how I am showing up in my mindset and my space and what’s in my way, which is me. But then I’ve grown that one.

 

Erin Marcus:

I mean, that was horrifying to me. I don’t know how you felt coming out of like medical training and again, such an academic intellectual situation. Mine was corporate. So, again, academic intellectual situation and to realize that the key to it all was who I was, not what I was doing. Monumentally, horrifying in the beginning.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

It is. And like, very frustrating. It was funny, in chiropractic school we had business classes, right? Everyone hated them because we would read books like Good to Great and like all these really great things that challenged you to like thinking to go rich, all that kind of stuff. And everyone’s like, what the heck does this have to do with business? And I got on some level, like everything. When I started my business, the first time I went to a bank to get a line of credit, they were like, where’s your P&L and balance sheet? And I was like, my what? So, I had no idea. Those are some of the basics, but like that stuff you can learn, it’s the who you need to be.

 

Erin Marcus:

That’s stuff you can learn. And the way that I describe it is that’s the easy part. Marketing, sales, finances, it’s the easy part because you can buy it. You can just buy it.  This, what you’re talking about, nobody can do it for you.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

No. Like, you literally have to become the container that will expand into whatever you’re going to create.

 

Erin Marcus:

Right. Your business will never outgrow you. Right? Your business will never outgrow you. So, if someone is feeling the feelings, feeling the trapped, feeling the I can’t do this anymore. The phrase I think I used during my year of failure was when did it become okay to live like this? When did it become okay? So, for people on that edge, where do they start? What would be their right? I think you just have to pick to pick 2020. Where would they start?

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Yeah. I think you just have to pick somewhere. The first step is always awareness and acknowledgement. And then it’s figuring out what to do from there. And it might not be quick. I was trying to retire because I was attached to my patients and some part of my identity that showed up as a chiropractor, I wouldn’t, and I kept re-injuring myself. I tore my wrist again a year and a half or a year after I had surgery the first time. And I was like, okay, like we’re done. This is it. But I was really stubborn about it and you might run up against that, but what are other areas where you can start to, you know. I think when we get clear on like we’re tolerating stuff that we’re just not willing to tolerate anymore, it becomes easier to start to take those steps.

 

Erin Marcus:

And I love how you keep saying start to take those steps because I think humans, we tend to think in all or nothing and it stops us because we have to throw the baby out with the bath water. And that’s not true. Right? It’s not all or nothing. There’s steps that you can take instead of.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

And this is something that I know and I’m like technically in a millennial, but not really. I’m a millennial by like three weeks, but–

 

Erin Marcus:

That generation, but I think I’m older than that. Because I know you’re saying that on the other end of it.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

But just with like, that generation I think is labeled as like, we want it all right now. And I think that’s more just a–

 

Erin Marcus:

Dude, I am 52 years old. 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

And it’s like just our world, right? I see this as a pattern with myself in business that just creates way more stress. It’s like, “Oh, no, I’m going to rebuild my whole website like today. I’m going to do this whole thing right now. Like right now, I’m working on really upleveling my content and I’m like, ‘Okay. No, you did enough today. Like walk away. It’s okay.’

 

Erin Marcus:

And those are the type of activities with my clients that it’s very easy to hide in how busy and perfect everything needs to be so that it keeps them from doing the scary thing, which usually involves talking to other human beings especially if you’re a millennial.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Yeah. The thing that actually matters. I’m the Oregon trail generation. Okay? We took ownership of that. 

 

Erin Marcus:

And I was like 17 when that came out, so beyond. Beyond, beyond, beyond. So, I’m going to assume, because you’ve already shared that you wish you would’ve listened sooner.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Yeah.

 

Erin Marcus:

But what’s something you’re really proud of? Like if that’s the advice where you’d say, don’t do what I do, listen sooner. What is something you’re really proud of?

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

This is hard for me. This is one of those Selfless Syndrome things where it’s like, “Crap, I have to–

 

Erin Marcus:

I’m supposed to be proud of myself about something.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

I’m really proud of what I have created. The pandemic helped to an extent, but I’d always wanted to really move into a virtual business like that’s really what I wanted to do. I wanted to have freedom. My husband travels constantly for work and my son really needs to homeschool. So, I’ve created this environment where I can actually do that. It used to be such a big deal and I felt so torn and my schedule was always crazy and there’s just so much peace and like there’s still stuff that I need figuring out. But I was able to really step into what I wanted even though it was scary and I didn’t know how to get there. And when I was crying on the floor, it was because I felt like I was never going to.

 

Erin Marcus:

Totally get it.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

A couple years later, here we are. Yeah. 

 

Erin Marcus:

Here we are. Yeah. I mean, it’s a mixture of decisions, commitment, resilience. And you just keep going, right? When you’re going through hell, just keep going.

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

Yeah. I mean, there’s so many times, and I even hit the point where I looked at jobs to apply for. There was one I actually did. And if I’m anything like clear on my identity, it’s like I am an entrepreneur. I did the interview and I was just like, “Nope, this is really not what I want to be doing.” And so, it kind of reaffirmed like you need to just keep going, do the work, stay in it. And I’ve definitely spun my wheels and been in my own way the last two years, but it’s a process and we need to go through it to get to the other side. Like the takeoff is around the corner. I really feel that. 

 

Erin Marcus:

Absolutely. So, if people want to continue this conversation with you, learn more about your story, learn more about how you can help them get through these transitions as well, what is the best way for them to reach out?

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

The easiest, I mean, I’m on social and all the things. I’m at Emergent Women Coaching on Instagram and Facebook and then at Dr.AlexRidley  on LinkedIn. And then I’ve got a website with a way you can just message me too, so emergentwomencoaching.com is the website and there’s lots more info and all that on there.

 

Erin Marcus:

Awesome. Emergentwomencoaching.com. Awesome. Well, thank you for like your vulnerability, your transparency, sharing your story. I love showing that it’s not all puppies and rainbows and unicorns the way Instagram sometimes would have you believe but it is all possible. 

 

Dr. Alex Swenson-Ridley:

It is all possible. 

 

Erin Marcus:

Awesome. Thank you so, so much. 

I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Ready Yet?! podcast. I truly enjoy bringing these stories of success and inspiration to you. Please join us in our mission to empower entrepreneurs to be in charge of their businesses and in charge of their lives. By sharing this with anyone you know who would benefit from our tactical and motivating advice, leaving us a review and letting us know if there are any particular topics you would really appreciate hearing about. See you next time.

Spread the word

Erin Marcus

Permission to be you with erin marcus

Erin Marcus is an author, speaker and communications specialist helping organizations to “Conquer the Conversation,” and creating improvement in sales, customer service and team dynamics. To bring Erin to your event or business:

Get In Touch