EPISODE 173 WITH REBECCA QUAVE: CREATING A LIFE (AND BUSINESS) FROM WHICH YOU DON’T NEED TO ESCAPE

Transcribed by Otter.ai

Erin Marcus  

All right. All right, and welcome to this episode of The ready yet podcast. And my guest today is Rebecca qwave, who I’m excited about, because here’s the thing, she was introduced to me by my friend Katrina. And the one word I use to describe my friend Katrina is magic. As far as I’m concerned, Katrina is just basically magic. And so when she introduces me to people, they’re always amazing. And we’ve chatted before, so I can’t wait to share your story and your insights and all your information with everybody. So before we get into all that, thank you for being here. And why don’t you give everyone a little bit more formal introduction of who you are and what you do? Yeah,

Rebecca Quave  

I’m so happy to be here. I thank you for inviting me. And yeah, I agree, I love when Katrina can actually see people 100%. So my name is Rebecca, as you’ve said, and what I’ve been helping people with for the past 17 or so years, is reconnecting with the truth of themselves, reconnecting with the truth of the deep peace and wild delight that are their birthright. And simplifying that and integrating it into your daily life, so that that’s something you can embody, right? Because a lot of like, longtime spiritual seekers, they know a lot of things about a lot of things. And it sort of remains that way. It remains just in the idea. Yeah, place, versus being integrated into how you’re living your daily life. So we bring that piece that people get a taste of, on their meditation cushion, or their yoga mat, into the traffic jam, and the work deadlines and all of those things.

Erin Marcus  

Oh, that’s it. And I absolutely love that. So like the two things you said that really stuck out with me just right now is reconnecting with the truth. Because I absolutely agree with that. It’s not finding yourself, it’s uncovering the crap you’ve piled on, between the time you knew yourself and wherever you are now. And the Secondly, right? And then the second piece of embodying it, don’t just know it academically. But how do you make it part of your actual life? Right? It’s kind of like, we go on vacation. And then we live our lives to different things. Well, how do we meet? You know, how do we marry that? So we get to live the life we actually want?

Rebecca Quave  

All the time. Exactly, exactly. So I use that phrase a lot, too, right? Is living a life that you don’t need to escape from? Right, the lifelong love waking up to. And so and it is the way you get there is all about dissolving that separation well, and I love my inner work, and then my life.

Erin Marcus  

Yeah, well, and so what you said was so different. And for me, I don’t know why it just hits me differently . To me, it’s almost overused in marketing. Live a life you love, you know, live a life that lights you up, like, we get it, we get it, we get it. But what you just said is, to me a little bit even more powerful, live a life you don’t feel the need to escape from. Because to most people, living a life you love might be so vague. Does that really land? But I think we can all have a pretty visceral reaction to the idea of live a life you don’t need to escape from

Rebecca Quave  

well, and with escaping what I find. And the reason I say it that way is that lots of people, you know, especially if we’re socialized as women, we’re taught and conditioned to, like, always find a way to be happy or like, find a way to say something good about something, right? So lots of people if you stop them on the street, and ask them do you love their life? They’re gonna be like, Yeah, I love her. You know, and, and yet, meanwhile, underneath that is the way they get to that life that they say that they love is that, you know, there’s a lot of coping mechanisms.

Erin Marcus  

There’s a lot of stuff.

Rebecca Quave  

There’s a lot to like, planning for how I get a break from?

Erin Marcus  

Right? Absolutely. So how did you get here, like, those of us of a certain age, we weren’t really brought up with these concepts in the forefront. Right. You know, it is what your clothes are, you know, you mean we’re kind of the same, same group here. So how did you get into this work that you’re doing? There’s usually a journey, right? Yeah,

Rebecca Quave  

there definitely is an unexpected. So this is not where I thought I was going to be. My degree is in Science in Biology. And then I was taken out of the lab when I got pregnant from my oldest and then you know that led me to, I guess it was basically around the time I was pregnant. My youngest, I started on an inward journey, because by that point, I had had kind of this like, compressed timeline of reaching those points of feeling unfulfilled by the things that I was told were going to make me happy. Right? So right down to even like the kind of chest pains that you associate with, like middle aged executives having because they’re pushing themselves too hard. I was already like 15. Okay, I was like, so driven, there’s gotta be something else this exactly. So I had tried, I tried the accomplishments and the awards and academic success and all of that, I tried the Martha Stewart route, I tried to like, you know, have a perfect household and children and husband and, you know, like that whole thing. And over and over and over again, I still found myself at the same place of confusion of like, this isn’t, I don’t know why I’m still not happy. And I went through deep depression and all kinds of things until again, once I was looking inward, that led me down a path where I ended up undergoing something that I hate to even try to put a name on, honestly, but it’s what people call like a big sudden awakening, right? That irrevocably changes you and all of your life forever. And yet, at the same time, one of the things that was most clear in that moment is that I didn’t even know what I was experiencing. So on one hand, it felt wildly new and unlike anything I could have even dreamt of, or hoped for. And at the same time, it was just as clear that it had always been there with me, always, always. So and so then that sort of led to okay, this is why I’m here. This is what I do: I help people reconnect with this. What, in that

Erin Marcus  

process, because I think a lot of people have those moments in their lives, and brushed right past them. I think there’s a lot of people who have inclinations, that it’s supposed to be different. Even if you know, let’s just assume we’re not talking about the people who can’t get who are just in it, and they’re too far in it. And they don’t even see a different way. But I think there’s a lot of people at the next rung up the ladder, that get hit with waves of inspiration, get hit with a feeling that something else is possible. But what gives you and the only word that I use is courage. Because it takes a lot of courage to buck, what you’ve been told is the right way to go. Even if you’re not happy. Yeah. And go a different route. Because that’s when people start looking at you. Like you’re not right. That’s when people who have known you all, you know, and for me, the version was quitting the big fancy, multiple six figure high performer like, right, quit that job to go do something completely different. And everyone who knows you thinks you’re crazy, because you’re doing so great at it. So are you leaving?

Rebecca Quave  

Exactly, exactly. It’s like, why would you? Why would you try it out? Right. And so what I find with people is, those glimpses all add up to, you can trace even all of the glimpses back to something that’s there all along, right, something that is beckoning you always and the only question is, how much are you paying attention to it or not? And even as far as that courage, what’s what’s bigger than that, in my experience, is even the that, that you’re just willing to be more aware of what it is, that’s been giving you that inner whisper all along, because that will carry you along that will support you, and you don’t have to, like, provide as much of your own steam on like, you know, I see a lot of people emphasizing be like, okay, just take a leap of faith and I’m like, you know, maybe maybe take like a less wary version. Because you do have a net, right. It’s a net that a lot of people don’t acknowledge, it’s a net that we’re taught doesn’t exist, but it is there.

Erin Marcus  

So if somebody now I have enough self reflection, and I’ve done this journey on my own work, I say enough to be dangerous, right? It’s not what I teach, it’s a piece that I use in what I do. But I do have a marketing background. And the way that I describe what a lot of people feel in this world is you’re not happy and you don’t know why. Right? You’re not happy, but you don’t know why. So for people who are at that stage of their journey, who haven’t yet learned, number one, to listen to their inner voices, but number two, to even have the language around how to articulate what’s going on, like, what are some tactical things we can do? Because I know that you teach this right, you teach. So I want to get into that subject matter. Yeah,

Rebecca Quave  

yeah. 100%. And I started, exactly so that you know, that all we that you’re referring to right off just like, something’s off, and I don’t even know what it is. I just and I see it with people all the time that they just feel like there’s, there’s a spark that they could have that they don’t have. Right. And so the starting point, there are a lot of questions. Right? What and not just questions, but asking those questions from a place of genuine, kind, compassionate, pure curiosity, not asking the questions from a place of like, analysis of like, okay, let me I’m going to ask all these questions to myself to like, sort myself out and find out what’s wrong, so I can fix it. Right? The questions are more of a journey of exploration, and finding out what that uncovers. And if what that uncovers is another question. That’s great. What that uncovers is not even an answer in language, and just something that you feel starts to shift in you. That’s even more amazing. So starting with questions like, Well, what did I do when I was four years old, what did I dream about?

Erin Marcus  

I use 10. Today, here’s why. At 10 years old, you’re old enough to know you can’t be a unicorn. Right? So it’s not completely outrageous. But you’re still young enough to think anything’s possible.

Rebecca Quave  

Yeah, I mean, I think it’s a lot on the person. Yeah. Right. Because a lot of people have been crushed by 10. Yeah, no. And so and I, and I like the outrageous. So even if your answer is unicorn, yes, it still gives you some information. Right? Because that still opens up. So and that’s what I mean about using this complete curiosity with the questions is that unreasonable is great, let’s run with unreasonable. Let’s, let’s see, let’s find out what unreasonable shows us about ourselves and about what really matters to us. The other thing

Erin Marcus  

I’d love to get your take on, one of the things that I have found as a business coaching consultant is when I’m working with people, if they are trying to run away from something they’re angry about, they’re going to be a whole lot less successful, that if then, if they’re trying to run towards something they’re creating, right, like the entrepreneurs that I work with, who are mad at their boss and mad at the nine to five and mad at this and mad at that, like, you’re bringing that with you into the entrepreneurial world. It’s you not them

Rebecca Quave  

100% You can’t outrun any of these things. You just can’t. It’s like a good

Erin Marcus  

news, bad news thing. The good news is the answers are all in there. The bad news is you’re taking it all with you. Whether it’s Yeah.

Rebecca Quave  

And it’s very similar to like, even when I work with people who’ve been on a spiritual journey for a long time already, there’s still that shift that has to happen, right? Like so many of them are trying, they’re on that journey to outrun their pain. Yeah, instead of diving into what’s beckoning them and what’s actually available. Right. And the way I’ve always described it as like, listen, it’s like if you’re asleep, and instead of having an alarm clock or something, jolting you awake, or something that you have to do, or something that you’re, you know, or that you’re waking up from a nightmare or something that you just suddenly smell a little smell what you know, like, you know, in cartoons wanted to draw on it. And then you get pulled by the nose to it. Yes, like that. It’s this really gentle, beckoning. And, you know, with that said, I will say, also, you know, as far as what you said about having that level of success. I do want to also mention that doing your inner work is not necessarily a prerequisite to that success, right? Because we know that we see it all the time. I mean, like a guy like Elon Musk, that’s, that’s not appearing in your work. You know, what I mean to call him even well adjusted would be a stretch, honestly, you know, so it’s it It’s not that you can’t have success without handling these things first, but I still recommend to everyone to prioritize that, because you’re gonna have to deal with it at some point or another. And I find that it’s much more harmonious and a much more smooth path to be incorporating that all along, instead of building this huge success, and then finding yourself unfulfilled and disillusioned. And, you know, and wondering like what’s

Erin Marcus  

right, you can tell by people’s behavior? Are they internally successful? Iraq? You can, you can tell. Yeah, and I love what you’re saying that it’s not mutually exclusive, because the, the, the opposite is not true, either. You’re not saying to do this work, instead of achieving those types of successes, it’s about marrying and having a better enjoyment of your successes, because you’ve done this work.

Rebecca Quave  

Exactly. Exactly. And, doing this also sets you free to define for yourself exactly what success even means to you. Right.

Erin Marcus  

And I know, I know that you in particular work with people who’ve been on this journey. A little while, you know, I’d asked you for advice for beginners, but like, I know, your focal point is really on people who are, in my words, taking it to the next level. And one of the things that I like about that is one of the challenges I listen to, because words are important, right? The words we use are important. So I try to stay away from this concept of having to fix anything, fix my mindset, fix my calendar, fix my marketing, because one, it implies that it’s bad. Now, Intuit implies that there’s this magic date somewhere in the future where everything will just be perfect, and I won’t have to work on it anymore. So for the people who have started this journey, what should they do? I almost want to say the opposite. Like we talked for beginners how to get started. But for people that are on this journey, I think it’s almost the bigger pitfall would be to keep taking your eye off the ball, that it’s actually easy to slip back.

Rebecca Quave  

Yeah, so there’s a few things with that. So first of all, as far as like, who I work with, you know, this can change so fast, you know that there’s not like any prerequisite prerequisite, someone could think that they’re total beginner, one minute, and like, a month later, they have been just holed into something that they didn’t even know exists, right? So that’s because it’s something that’s always available. Even what you might call the ultimate is always available to everyone at the center of every single breath and every single moment. So it’s all there’s no like, Do you know what I mean? It’s not Yeah, earn your stripes on the way up the mountain. Always

Erin Marcus  

there. Okay, take leave so you can take leaps forward.

Rebecca Quave  

Exactly, exactly. So now at the same time, what you said about like, kind of taking your foot off the gas. That is one of the biggest challenges I see. And it’s not for lack of, you know, it’s, it’s not in terms of like, this traditional thing that we’ve been taught about, like, force it and make things happen and hustle. And it’s not like that. It’s the sort of human tendency, there’s more getting a little relief. And going okay, right. So the biggest thing, and I see this, is that absolutely any level is prioritizing this inner work for deliciousness. Yeah, not because you’re, like you said before trying to outrun your pain, because when you prioritize it just for the exploration itself, for the deliciousness of it for this curiosity of like, what am I going to find next, right, instead of having a preconceived idea of like, okay, well, here’s where I feel like garbage. And here’s where I feel a little better. So let me whip out my little, you know, tool that Rebecca taught me and get from here to there and then put it back away again, right? Because then stuffs gonna start piling back up. Right? Well, that’s why curiosity and just being in it, for the joy of it, and for the exploration of it is so, so, so key.

Erin Marcus  

And I think it’s also why entrepreneurship as a business, for example, aligns so well with mindset work, because in both cases, there is no end point. There Exactly. Journey is the thing that’s it,

Rebecca Quave  

right it is it it is it everywhere. The argument is always Yeah, yeah. And there is no finish line. And that was something that is a big thing that I’ve dealt with, again, with like spiritual seekers, because they tend to have been conditioned into this idea that there’s going to be some big, you know, moment where I open. Like, okay, and then you’re just not gonna have like life isn’t gonna happen to you anymore, right? I have to kind of like, trail them back down and expect, like, what if just hear me out for a minute? What if even when that happens, number one, you still have to integrate that, right? Because I mean, it happened to me, and it was years that it took me to even integrate that, and then it still continuously expands, right? So what really changes is your relationship to what’s happening in your life, you know, so the same thing might happen, and you have a whole different relationship with that event, and how you feel about that event, or how easily you’re able to move on to the next thing or whatever, you know, it’s all of these responses are what shifts.

Erin Marcus  

And I love what you’re doing. Because again, I mean, I know you don’t exclusively work with entrepreneurs, and correct me if I’m wrong on that one. But especially in this world, your business can’t outgrow you, your business can absolutely not outgrow you as a person. So if people want to continue this conversation with you, I highly, highly, highly recommend you to what is the best? What are you going on? What is the best way to get a hold of you?

Rebecca Quave  

So there are a few things. Um, you know, obviously, you’re going to put links all below to all be in the show notes. We’ll make it exactly. So I’ll give you the background rundown of me there. One is a special offer. That’s a gift to you. It’s a nine day virtual immersion, that’s called live love every day, that addresses exactly what we’ve just been talking about, right? How to bring that into your day to day life, instead of just like, unconditional love being like an etheric concept that sounds amazing. But like, where does that, you know, how does that information? Yeah, live love every day. And when I say it’s a nine day immersion it is self paced, so you get instant access to it. And then you continue to have access, you can do it, repeat it, whatever it’s not like on a nine day timeframe. Nice. And then something that is on a timeframe that I’m really excited about, because it’s my first in person live retreat, coming back after you know where we’ve been the past few years. But live retreats have always been one of my very, very favorite things to offer, because it’s so incredibly powerful. So this retreat is November 10, or 15th. And it’s called you in bloom, because that’s exactly what it’s about: it is giving you nourishment and support, and everything that you need in order to bloom. And when I say bloom, I don’t mean pry your petals open, like lots of people frequently tried to do, it doesn’t mean fake it till you make it none of that kind of stuff. It’s going deep in gentlemen. Exactly. So that it allows you to expand and bloom in all the ways that you can in your life, love it. And we

Erin Marcus  

will make sure that we have links to all of that. Thank you for spending time with me, your energy, your insight, your experience, the whole nine yards. I know for myself, this type of work has made all the difference in the world, and it’s made what I’ve done in the last several years possible. So I highly, highly appreciate the people who are guides on that journey for people. So thank you for spending time with me.

Rebecca Quave  

You’re so welcome. Thank you for having me here. It’s it’s such a joy to talk to you and I know that all of the things that I’m sure your people already know like how you feel about nature and, and things like that, you know, really lines up with you know, those those those rhythms of how things unfold in when we stop trying to force them. So

Erin Marcus  

absolutely, absolutely. I’ve got all sorts of metaphor posts going on in social media right now as I’m working in my garden and thinking about my business. So thank you so much.

Rebecca Quave  

Thank you